TMC Administration Notes - April/May 2013

Letter from the Chair

TCMC is a great place for men to work on making significant, difficult, and positive changes in their lives. Beating an addiction, coping with loss, or changing troubling behavior; there are men working on all of these and many other noble projects at TCMC. It goes without saying that such a path is hard and fraught with setbacks. Not only is such work inherently difficult, but outside of places like TCMC, our society doesn't provide many resources for men doing this kind of work. So if you are a man embarked on such a journey, how do you motivate yourself? Are you your own drill sergeant, barking out orders and harshly chastising any slips and deviations from the path of perfection you've planned out in your mind? Or are you more of a gentle and forgiving coach who focuses more on what you can do in the future, and less about what you've done in the past?

I was reminded of the way we sometimes try to harshly motivate ourselves to accomplish difficult things as I've followed the saga of the federal budget sequester. You are no doubt (overly) familiar with this story, but from my perspective, the point is this: to force themselves to reach a future compromise on spending, the US Congress put in place harsh and irrevocable across-the-board budget cuts scheduled to go into effect at the beginning of March. The theory was that the cuts were so draconian and onerous that both sides would be forced to compromise to avoid disaster.

As we used to say in my support group, "How's that working out for you?" Obviously, the plan didn't work, and we wound up with the cuts anyway. The reasons the plan failed are many and complicated, but to me a big reason is that negative and harsh motivation is almost never productive. We humans almost always respond better to positive and encouraging support than to threats of impending doom. Congress wasn't sufficiently motivated to compromise by the threat of serious consequences, and in the same way, I don't think we as men are set up for success when we try to motivate ourselves with internal threats to ourselves. We are more attracted to the light than we are repelled by the dark.

If you are a man working on a difficult life change, consider being a supportive friend to yourself rather than a harsh taskmaster. Not only will you have better chance of success, you'll be much happier because you aren't constantly beating yourself up with negative self-talk. In short, replace the stick with the carrot. You'll thank yourself.

Joe Szurszewski
Board Chair

Library Corner

–– Jim Heaney, Librarian

We have a unique and extensive collection of books on men's and general topics which can be checked out by members of the Men's Center. Our periodicals include:

  • Fathering Today
  • Men's Health
  • Men's Journal
  • Lavender
  • Transitions
  • Voice Male.

Book of The Month: IRON JOHN, A Book About Men. By Robert Bly, 1990. Poet and translator Robert Bly offers nothing less than a new vision of what it is to be a man. Bly's vision is based on his ongoing work with men and reflections on his own life. He addresses the devastating effects of remote fathers and mourns the disappearance of male initiation rites in our culture. Finding rich meaning in ancient stories and legends, Bly uses the Grimm fairy tale "Iron John," in which the narrator, or "Wild Man," guides a young man through eight stages of male growth, to remind us of archetypes long forgotten-images of vigorous masculinity, both protective and emotionally centered. Simultaneously poetic and down-to-earth, combining the grandeur of myth with the practical and often painful lessons of our own histories, Iron John is a rare work that continues to guide and inspire men-and women. Other Robert Bly titles in our library: TIMES ALONE; Selected Poems of Antonio Machado, PILLOW AND THE KEY, WHAT HAVE I EVER LOST BY DYING?, WALKING SWIFTLY, The Rag & Bone Shop of the Heart, THE SIBLING SOCIETY, MEN'S SHAME Tape April 1989.

The Men's Center Staff and Key Volunteers

OFFICE STAFF:
 Office Manager -- Randy Genrich
Anger Mgmt Director-- John Hesch
Office Volunteers -- Daniel Raemeer, Robert Walker, Rick Charlson, Tony Voelker, Jim Haeney, Dick Madigan
Librarian -- Jim Heaney
Donation Pick-up Volunteers -- See chart in kitchen area

BOARD:
Board Chair -- Joe Szurszewski
Board Vice Chair -- Tom Weaver
Board Secretary -- Norm Petrik
Board Treasurer -- Rick Charlson
Board Member -- Bill Baldwin
Board Member -- Jim Heaney
Board Member -- Ken Knoll
Board Member -- Andy Mickel
Alternate -- Harry Greenberg
Alternate -- Malik Holt
Alternate -- Dave Webb

MEN TALK:
MenTalk Editor -- Bill Dobbs
MenTalk Production -- Bill Dobbs
MenTalk Here/There -- Andy Mickel
MenTalk Advertising -- Bill Dobbs
MenTalk Mailing Coord -- Scott Benson
MenTalk Labels/Database -- Scott Benson

PROGRAMS:
Program Committee, Chair -- Norm Petrick
Wednesday Present Coord --Randy Genrich
Wednesday Present Publicity -- Rick Charlson

FINANCE:
Finance Committee, Chair -- Rick Charlson
Finance Committee Chair -- Rick Charlson
Fin Comm Grant Writer -- Malik Holt-Shabazz
Fin Comm Memberships -- Andy Mickel

OUTREACH:
Outreach Committee, Chair -- Rick Charlson
Pride Festival Coord -- James ?, Ken Knoll
Media Publicity Coord -- Rick Charlson
Outreach Booth at Shows -- Randy Genrich, Andy Mickel, Malik Holt-Shabazz
Librarian -- Jim Heaney
Web Site -- Bill Dobbs, Andy Mickel, Ken Knoll, Joe Szurszewski
E-mail Responders -- Scott Benson, Rick Charlson, Bill Dobbs, John Hesch, Andy Mickel, Joe Szurszewski

ANGER MANAGEMENT:
Anger Mgmt Director -- John Hesch
Anger Mgmt Grant Writer -- Bob Anderson
Anger Mgmt Publicity -- John Hesch
Anger Mgmt Steer Commit -- Bob Lundberg, Gerald Obremski, John Hersch, David Giancristforo
Anger Mgmt Facilitators -- Tom M, Michael K, Jim K, John H, Art H, Bryce K, Pat G, Dean G, David E, Hoske R, Cory C, Michael I, John C, Lee C, Gerald O, Hank B, Norm P, Bob L, Bob A, Harry G, Herb J, Howard B, Tom F

SUPPORT GROUPS:
Support Group Coord -- Norm Petrik
Support Group Database -- Dave Webb
General Men's Issues -- Randy G, Jerry O
Addiction Busters -- Tommy J
Gay Issues -- Pat K, Bruce K, Ranslow Z
Transitions --Scott, Richard S.
Divorce/Uncouplng -- John M, Greg D, Gerry W
Survivors of Sexual Abuse -- Peter C, Paula O
Northside General Men's Issues -- Malik H
Bi-Men & Gay Issues -- Leo P, David W
Healthy Sexual Boundaries -- Bobby S, Tom J
Healthy Sexual Boundaries East -- Bobby S
Retirement -- Norm P

WE ALWAYS NEED VOLUNTEERS. PLEASE CONSIDER HELPING OUT.
Call our Office Manager at 612-822-5892 and ask how you can help.
We have been a vital part of the Twin Cities community for decades,
and almost all of our services have been provided by volunteers like you.